Haseena Parkour

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Post: Shraddha kapoor (Know Your Superstar) 21/7/17

Shraddha Kapoor

Hi boys and girls.

Indian gangster here.

****BORING BACKGROUND STORY******

Haseena Parkar. This is, ohh, I am sorry, this “was” the only Shraddha kapoor film that was truly anticipated by me since it’s first trailer came out in July, 2017. I mean the trailer was too good to handle. So I made up my mind that I will watch this movie upon it’s release and it will be a good experience for sure.

When the movie finally released on 22nd September, my beloved friend cancelled the plan of watching this movie and that day I cursed him with the best words I could imagine of. He was in the right though as he said let’s wait for the reviews to come out and when they did, they were pretty terrible as well.
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But then I saw reviews like this
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And also I had an inner feeling that this movie is worth watching so finally on 25th September, I saw the movie and this is my “rant” of Haseena Parkar as it was not upto the mark.

*****BORING RANT******

Now I’ll be honest here, this movie is not good but it is watchable. You can survive the entire movie without getting a crack in your back so if you intend to do so, close this post to the earliest. Thanks. A quick plot summary of this movie. The entire movie is Shraddha kapoor behaving like a coy little girl for sometime followed by her behaving like a robust wife of a 6 feet tall, muscular, herculean or whatever the word best suited for her handsome husband and finally her behaving like a gangster for most part of the movie.

This is how Haseena looks in the early days of her life.

A normal, feisty looking, brown Indain girl with her face well proportioned. Now Shraddha in real life looks drop dead gorgeous and white as a pancake, but in this pic, she looks brown or we can even say dark brown for her “character”. All good so far.

Now this is how Haseena looks when she is dragged to court which is supposed to be the later half of her life.

Here the director assembles the entire lighting crew and instructs them to focus every light on her face and she looks very bright. It may be an exaggeration to say but her face looks brighter than her career in Bollywood currently.😆. Ooooo, soo mean right? Talking about her face. I mean what happened?? Her face looks so swelled up right? It’s like the producers were so confident that the movie will not be able to recover their money spent so they landed their best punches on her face to get some satisfaction atleast if not money.

So till now, two jokes on the appearance right. Hmm. I won’t crack any more appearance joke. So here is another appearance joke😂😂😂.

This is Haseena Parker at 1:23:45 in the movie

And this is her at 1:23:52 in the movie

A magnificent transformation in just 7 seconds. She went from looking fiesty in normal clothing to looking dangerous in black clothing, black eyelashes, black lipstick and folded hands. Soooo descriptive!! I mean with this skill, she can easily replace Flash in the next edition of Justice League.

That was the last appearance joke and I promise this time…truly.

Did you wonder looking at the word parkour in the title?? I mean come on, I won’t put that without any reason right? The plot of this movie is doing stunts every second of it’s length. It’s basically like this: Haseena tells her story in court….There is a happy scene….Her one family member is killed by a rival gang…Her brother takes the revenge. This movie is working on fixed template. If you see the first 30 mins of the movie, you can predict what’s gonna happen in the third edition of this film if it ever comes out.

Lastly, this movie is supposed to be a documentary of the life of Haseena Parker but this movie tells us more about her brother(whose name is not mentioned in the film even once) and gang war then her life persay. All we come to know is that she was a good mother a loving sister and a skilled arbitrator. I am sure that’s not all we can know about the “Queen of Mumbai” right??

****BORING CONCLUSION *****

A true Shraddha kapoor fan will watch this movie for her slow dialogue deliveries, her unstable and degradable acting skills movie after movie and her inconsistent selection of scripts. No wonder she fired her entire management team and hired a new one. Ohh, that was way before this movie. So she might need another entirely new team very soon.

Adios.

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